Here are a few things I struggled with when I newly came to the United Kingdom from Nigeria.
The coldnesss of my neighbours. Why wouldn’t they say hi to me even after I knocked at their door to introduce myself? On top of that they called the police on us because they assumed we shouldn’t be there; in our own flat.
How to be a mom. Back home, I had the daycare to help me raise my son, I had my mom to advise him. I was taught to discipline my child by being firm, spanking him, scaring him into obedience. Only to realise that I was taught wrong. I spent the next few years unlearning and re-learning new methods of parenting.
How to clean my home. Growing up with helps and many siblings, I got used to leaving annoying chores for others. The pee that falls by the side of the toilet, food stains on the bin cover, I would get so overwhelmed about them and put off cleaning them up until much later, when they’ve left stains that were difficult to get rid of. It was also difficult to find the right cleaning products. I spent months using mild cleaning products to get rid of difficult mold stains in the bathroom and wondered why it wasn’t working.
The food. Why is everyone eating sandwiches for lunch, what do they mean by ready meals ? What’s wrong with cooking from scratch everyday ? I wondered these for years until I figured. Life shouldn’t be that hard. And there’s more to life than cooking everyday.
The supposed back-stabbing behavior. Being a Nigerian, you’ll assume your chat with someone was in total trust and confidence only to hear everyone talking about it. You’ll assume you have someone in your corner only to have them throw you under the bus at the slightest chance. This was new to me. Back home people take friendship and secrets very seriously and to see it treated with such rudeness was appalling. So I learnt to only say what I’m confident about and only do what I’m proud of. That way no one can have anything to blab about.
Also Read: Navigating the Workplace as a New Immigrant
The pleasantness. Back home people were rude, and kindness was a sign that someone respected and cared about you. So it’s easy to think that whoever is kind to you here is your friend and cares about you. But it’s very false. People here are pleasant even when they’re disgusted by you. Being pleasant is an ultimatum here. You have to be nice. To create a safe and nice society, people have to be nice. But don’t confuse it for friendship. It’s just a nice chat. Doesn’t mean they like or value anything you say. It’ll be tomorrow’s gossip topic. So don’t take these things too seriously.
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