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This Journey Called Life

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Rita’s diary is a library of content that mirrors my life journey and experiences

Recent Posts

Surviving the Darkness
My Very Little Faith
Anxiety Warrior – journey to healing
The Musings of a Confused Immigrant
Navigating the Workplace as a New Immigrant: Lessons and Advice

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All this time I wondered what triggers the anxiety

All this time I wondered what triggers the anxiety;
What triggers the depression ?
Something they said? something they did?
Or maybe it’s the thing that I said or did?
I blamed myself mostly;
I thought,
If only I spoke nicer,
If only I smiled brighter,
If only I thought deeper and was wiser,
If only I was different,
Then they wouldn’t hate me so;
I judged myself critically on behalf of the world;
Stand tall, speak clearer, be funny but not too funny,
Smile, keep a straight face, walk gracefully,
All of these are remedies my mind created based on differing scenarios over the years;
This catalogue of remedies have become so full that they have become jumbled up in my brain.
So whether I smile or frown, or l’m graceful or funny, my brain is never satisfied.
The standards keep shifting,
So that there’s an endless loop of anxiety and depression after every social encounter.
This was the case until the epiphany;
The epiphany wasn’t during a meditation about my feelings or during a counselling session.
I got this epiphany in my prayer time while meditating on Isiah 57.
That chapter kept hammering on idolatry and being afraid of man,
So it hit me.
I was afraid of man.
Not of man physically,
but of not being accepted by them.
Of not being loved,
Of being judged harshly.
So I honoured men
Not out of the kindness of my bleeding heart
But out of fear of being disliked
A dreadful fear of being judged and criticised
Honouring them even when it meant dishonouring myself
Even when it meant dishonouring the one who gave me life.
This desire for validation was so powerful that I got physically sick at the thought of losing it;
So yes, my desire for the affection of men was my idol.
Such a revelation.
So here I am,
asking the Lord to help me to enjoy being disliked.
To enjoy being unpopular amongst men.
I no longer crave affection.
I only desire the peace that God gives.
So that come rain, come shine, nothing takes the peace away.

Groot; Cared for by her Abba, He trims her prickly

Groot;
Cared for by her Abba,
He trims her prickly edges,
Waters her roots,
Feeds her soil,
Floods her with sunlight,
Nourishes her gently,
While she grows beautiful and strong.

Faithfully, she loves her Abba,
Whose love is evident
Not only in his tender words
But in his steadfast care.

He trims her edges,
Though they prick him again and again;
Still, he tends her faithfully.

So Groot stays still,
Loving her Abba;
Relying not on the rain,
But on her Abba who sends the rain.
Relying not on the bees,
But on her Abba who sends the bees.

She lives only for him;
No one else can take credit,
Nor distract her from his unfailing love.

Even when weeds surround and cloud her,
She does not fret,
But waits for Abba to clear them away.

Even when the rain delays,
She trusts in the One who commands the skies.

She waits
Out of love,
Out of devotion
For the One who transformed her,
Through every season,
From a seed
To a great, well-watered tree.

Her Abba
Who never fails to show up.
And even when he seems silent,
She rests content
In the will of her Abba.

Cutting your cross Is merely postponing your sorro

Cutting your cross
Is merely postponing your sorrows.
Compromising good morals
Is inviting future shame and disgrace.

Holding on to good morals
While rejecting Jesus
Is no better than a pious fool,
Suffering for nothing.

Why stand neither here nor there?
Carry your cross.
Hold on to Jesus —
You will be victorious.

Or postpone your suffering,
Seek a shorter path;
You’ll only return to the start
Of an even more weary journey.

Only God can save you.

Your words are like a bee’s sting; Your advice, wr

Your words are like a bee’s sting;
Your advice, wrapped in your own ideologies and values.
You smile through gritted teeth, envying a life you wish you had —
one you know nothing about.
Time with you feels like a battle between common sense and foolishness.
You’re as exhausting as a treadmill, wearing me down with every encounter.
So which are you — a scorpion or a bee?

Instead of contempt, try compassion Must be nice,

Instead of contempt, try compassion
Must be nice,
Sitting on your very high horse
With your nose dangled up,
Shoulders raised high,
While you criticise them;
How could they do that, you say
They should know better,
But they don’t.
There’s a box of knowledge
you know nothing about;
One that defines people’s actions.
This box is defined by people’s experiences.
It’s nice to criticise people’s lives,
While you sit lavishly on your widely spaced boat,
Speaking proudly about your wise knowledge and excellent habits,
One carved based on your experiences,
Revelations that you encountered,
Knowledge that people shared with you,
Preferences that were adjusted based on the things you’ve learned.
You forget that we are all on a journey,
Some get to the finish line quicker,
Some lanes have more hurdles than the next,
You are so thankful to your maker for how gracious he is to you;
Yet you refuse to give grace to the other;
You call them foolish and lazy,
And maybe they are,
Maybe you’re right,
But even the foolish and lazy deserve some grace;
They deserve dignity and kindness.
You say karma has caught up with them,
And maybe it has;
But while they are sorrowful would you not show them kindness ?
You say, how dare they question God your king?
I say, why not pray for them to understand
And why not be gracious to them while at it?
He’s your king, but they’ve not yet enthroned him as theirs.
You forget that salvation is a gift that you did not pay for.
Did you accept Christ because of your wonderful wisdom or did God will it for you to accept Him?
We’ll never know.
So while at it, be gracious to your co-sinners.
You have an opinion about the one who terminated her pregnancy ?
Would you feel more sorrow than the mother who killed her own child ?
She’ll tell you that she feels no remorse,
But God knows that she does.
And even if she doesn’t, she hates herself for what she did.
So be kind.
Leave judgement to the one who created the whole world.

Masks masquerading as the real deal Fake expressio

Masks masquerading as the real deal
Fake expressions masquerading as real ones
Laughing amidst wailing sounds
Dancing to throbbing hearts
Masquerading cheerfully,
while groaning deep within
Loving, and not trusting
Speaking graciously, yet afraid
Treading shabbily through shattered hearts
Staying painfully poised through heart wrenching pain
“How are you” responses staying consistent;
“I’m doing okay thank you”
Masquerading through life despite the heat
Emotions like an onion;
hiding underneath layers of fake ones.
I hope you grow out of this
I hope you truly heal from the hurt
To a point where you only say what you mean
I hope one day, you’re poised because you genuinely are at heart and it’s not just a facade.
I hope your response to how are you is genuine
Not a rant about how things are horrible, but that you’re truly doing well and living your best life
I hope you get to a point where you’re confident and sure regardless of what life throws at you.

Walk in my shoes Tiptoe if you must Walk in my s

Walk in my shoes
Tiptoe if you must
Walk in my shoes
Leave a footprint if you can
Understand
I want you to
You mustn’t
But please do
Walk in my shoes
Understand
My own prints tell a story
My shadows do too
About pain and joy and sacrifice
Are we not all stories?
Stories to be read, or watched or listened to
Stories to be experienced
To be loved
To be understood
Not to be judged
Not to be cast aside
To be seen
To be cared for like plants
To be watched
To be understood
To be liked
Walk with me
On this hilly journey
Wear my shoes if you must
Watch my prints
Or leave yours beside mine
Learn about me
Understand
That this scary feeling abate

Nobody cares Why should they? Individual races Fa

Nobody cares
Why should they?
Individual races
Face yours
They smile
Acting like they do
Check-in
But do they care ?
Would they give you their life ?
Would they carry your burdens ?
Would they live your life ?
Would they go out of their way?
Do they really care ?
Would they lose sleep ?
Maybe genuine concern
Maybe pity
Maybe kindness
But is it their life ?
Do they feel the heat?
Is it their life ?
Do they really care ?
No body cares.

Laid on my bed, Going insane, Mad with anger. Hati

Laid on my bed,
Going insane,
Mad with anger.
Hating me
My journey
Sad
Who am I ?
I miss me
My jovial dancing self
Full of laughter
Where is she ?
I can find her in her music
The music that she vibes to
The one that brings her alive
Afropop
It helps me pop
It awakens something deep within
Something once dead or weak
Afro beats
Afro pop
The music that brings life to the soul
Afrobeats
Afropop
It’s beats make me pop
The smile behind my eyes
The beauty seen in the mirror
The joy coursing through my veins
The world seems brighter
And oh how I love them,
My beautiful African people
I love them
Their artistry
Their beauty and elegance
Their joy so infectious
I love my people
I love my country
I love me
I’m thankful to be a part of this

I want to tell you about the God who loves me. My

I want to tell you about the God who loves me. My heart is bursting with joy about this God who thinks about me even before I knew him. I’m itching to tell the world about a God so full of love that he plans the lives of his creatures even when they have not acknowledged him. What magnitude of love is this ? To love your creation even though they fail to acknowledge you or the work that you do in their life.

Let me tell you what he did. He knew I would go through some difficult times; and months earlier, he introduced me to someone just like me, who loves God the way I do and has gone through the exact thing I would go through many months down the line. Our meeting was so divinely orchestrated, so we knew that it was a friendship designed by God himself; although we did not know for what purpose. Months down the line, when our friendship grew stronger, we realised I was going through something she had gone through a few years back and that’s when it dawned on us. Oh, her words are such a great comfort, her prayers, a delight. She feels like a torch for me as I walk along a very dark path. I’m thankful for this light that God has sent.

Another thing he did is this; he knew that I needed to learn about his divine wisdom, so he showed me the shrewdness of men in comparison to my naivety and shallow mindedness. Oh how this scared me. It caused me to withdraw. I was tempted to hide away and avoid men. And just at that exact moment, he brought people to me who taught me about the importance of kindness and love even in the midst of darkness. He said; how can you bring light to them when you have not shown them kindness? How can you influence them, when you have not offered friendship? So now, he is teaching me to love without getting hurt. To mean something to all men while still staying separated unto him. What a wonderful teacher. (Cont’s in the comments)

My thoughts about people looking to be in long ter

My thoughts about people looking to be in long term relationships; date someone who is more crazy about you than you are.

I understand how intriguing it is to meet someone you vibe with, someone you are crazy about, someone you’re attracted to. You’re in a whirlwind romance and you’re super happy. But you’re so happy that you’re blinded with all your emotions. He doesn’t love or respect you. He treats you badly. But you don’t really care, because you’re crazy about him. Your sex life is out of this world. You want him so bad. If all these feelings were visibly mutual, then perfect, you’ve found a jackpot. But half the time it isn’t. Half the time you’re alone on that ship. Half the time you’re the only one invested in that relationship. How sad!

So I believe that it’s better to be with someone who values you and treats you like gold. As long as you’re a good person, you wouldn’t take advantage of them and would learn to appreciate and love them. You need someone who will treat you and your family right. Someone who will give you peace of mind. That’s who you need in a long term relationship.

However, if all you’re looking for is something short term and non-committing, then by all means, love someone you vibe with, regardless of whether or not they treat you right. After all it’s not long term. #lovequotes #relationshipquotes #relationshipadvice #commitment #wisdomquotes

It’s 23:09 on the 31st of Dec 2021 and I can’t hel

It’s 23:09 on the 31st of Dec 2021 and I can’t help but reminisce about how my life has changed in the past couple of years.

I can’t help thinking about how broke my family was between 2011 to 2013, to the point where I nearly dropped out of university; and how depressed I was in 2017 because I was broke and lonely. In 2018 I was super anxious about the decision I had made to get married and prayed so hard for God to bless our union. I remember doing series of novenas sequentially. Finishing each novena and then starting again because I knew we just needed to leave Nigeria for things to get better because I had really given up on my country.

I remember how I left my job at the peak of the covid lockdown in 2020 and then spent a month at home anxiously praying for God to intervene and give me a good job. That period was scary because I dreaded being unemployed more than anything. Exactly one month after, I resumed at my dream work place with beautiful and amazing people. It was the best company I had ever worked in.
And then in 2021 my husband resumed a new job in the UK and we had to relocate. This was a prayer point we started from 2017 and God answered it in his time. Hmm. Upon arriving the UK, I spent three months unemployed, and anxious about what the future holds. Eventually I got a job. And me who used to be so broke to the point where I’ll manage 2k pocket money for a month now earns money in Pounds Sterling. Me who used to shop once in two years now breezes in and out of stores weekly to buy one thing or another. Rita who used to laugh to hide pain, now laughs genuinely.

My heart is full of joy for how much change 2021 brought. 2021 seems like a switch that brought light and luxury into my life. For that, I am grateful to God. Although I was unable to keep my 2021 resolutions, I’m bold enough to set new ones for 2022. In 2022, I’m ready to live confidently and unafraid. Being true to myself and instincts. In 2022 I’m going to embrace growth and be unapologetic. As for friends, I know that I’m horrible at being a good friend. I hope that in 2022 I do better. So help me God.

The troubles that women go through cannot be over

The troubles that women go through cannot be over emphasized. They may sound trivial at first, but think deeply about it;

- [ ] In order to look presentable, we have to wear bras no matter how uncomfortable they make us feel. Especially for busty ladies.

- [ ] No matter how little we eat, we easily gain so much weight; so that we are stuck with bogus clothings to hide all that fat, or we have to wrap ourselves in uncomfortable girdles to hide all the belly fat and look attractive in body-fitting clothes.

- [ ] While many men exercise just for the sake of being healthy, most women exercise because they are afraid of gaining so much weight and losing their figure.

- [ ] In some countries, women are under intense pressure to get married because their “biological clock” is ticking. So that they can quickly procreate. And the ones who refuse to procreate are tagged selfish and lazy. A man once asked me; “what’s the use of your body if you’re refusing to give your husband many children”.

- [ ] Because women are under a lot of pressure to get married, many of them have very low expectations from men; many times, the only prerequisite is that they are men, and then for some, that he has enough money. As long as he meets these criteria, nothing else matters. Whether he looks like a monkey, or stinks like a pig, or behaves like a goat, or treats them like a predator. Some women do not care; “Just be man enough to marry me and care for me”.

- [ ] Whereas for women, there are such high expectations; be pretty, have good manners, have good reputation, be industrious, be fertile, be prayerful. So many expectations.

- [ ] A man will be fat and have potbelly, and nobody cares as long as he is rich. But what makes a woman appealing is her looks. But biology and estrogen would make it a lot harder for her to look beautiful as she ages compared to the men who eat mounds of food and still appear okay.
Continue in the comments ⬇️

I wish I could sing 🎤 and dance 💃🏽 I wish I could

I wish I could sing 🎤 and dance 💃🏽
I wish I could write effortlessly
I wish I had glowing skin
And healthy hair
With a body to die for

But no matter how much I wish
No matter how deep my desire
I have none of that
Here I am;
Stuck with my rough skin
And rounded belly
Making resolutions to do better and failing

If only wishes could turn to reality at a whim
If only my deepest desires could become reality
What to do?
Sit down and cry?
Stay sad and sigh?
Nah!

I’ll just keep doing my best
Keep living my best
and do all that I can
to get that banging body
That healthy hair
With shiny skin
I’ll practice everyday
until I become a pro at singing
A pro at dancing;
Until I become all that I ever dreamed of;
So help me God

But what if it doesn’t work out?
What if I fail?
No worries then;
That’s still fine
As long as I’m living and breathing
Then there’s still hope
I’ll be happy in this moment until I’m able to achieve my grandiose expectations

So over the past few days, it has been a whirlwind

So over the past few days, it has been a whirlwind of emotions for me; laziness; sadness, disinterest in everything etc. I was basically doing stuff because I had to, not because I wanted to.

But then over the weekend I spent some time out with a friend, and noticed that she was genuinely interested in what I had to say, and how I was feeling; and vice versa; she also got me a beautiful plant (I named her Ola)❤️, and somehow, all of this lifted my spirit.

Now I’m right here, writing again, ready to start attending masses, taking my weight loss regimen more seriously, reading a book, and planning to join a gym.

These are all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t bring myself to do. I’m also considering seeing a therapist because I don’t think it’s okay to rely on a friend or sister for therapy lol.

Today I realized that I am nothing without God. Ju

Today I realized that I am nothing without God. Just like a tree withers without water and sunlight, in the same way, I too wither without God present in my life. God is the beginning and end of my life. He is the very air that I survive on. Whether or not I like it, I am nothing without God. I cannot survive without him. Living without him is like being locked away in a dirty room without food or drink. And left to wither away slowly. God is the very essence of my life. I remember that now.

May we never out of pride and carelessness forget our roots and run blindly to our deaths. Amen.

Jesus I love you, all I have is thine, yours I am and yours I want to be, do with me whatever you will Amen.

No, this is not me giving you advice. This is me w

No, this is not me giving you advice. This is me wondering how to do this.

So I used to have this friend who made me happy. She was blatantly real and I could be my actual self around her; no judgement. But she was a very sensitive person and took offense at random things I said. Although we have really different life experiences; you could call me naive; but she wasn’t. So it made it really easy to be free with her about my personal experiences. Plus I learned a lot from her.

She was a very difficult person, argued with people a lot over things I considered trivial and said her piece unafraid. She gossiped a lot too. Lol I enjoyed all the gossip 😄. She also expected the worst from people; she’ll just conclude that one person’s husband is cheating; one person’s money is not clean etc. but she had her good sides too. She knew fashion and make up; she taught me lol. She was also a ride or die kind of friend; she would go through the oceans to help you out as long as she trusted you. And I know she trusted me big time. And I respected her a lot especially because I knew she had been through so much.

But this issue of me always having to walk on eggshells around her; and having to pretend to be a bad girl around her was exhausting. She was really sensitive so I had to be careful about what I said all the time. And trust me it was so exhausting because I’m honest to a fault. And so after one really huge argument, I blocked her everywhere. I no longer felt safe and was tired of the exhausting friendship. She did same too.

Years later though I’m having a rethink. I miss her. I miss our gists, I miss how real I could be with her. She was a ride or die kind of friend too. She’ll move mountains to help me out. She was that kind of friend. And after watching Obi Cubana’s interview with BBC where he said that it’s good to have different kinds of people in your circle. I felt that. (Continued in the comments👇 ⬇️)

A few days back I was overwhelmed and mentally exh

A few days back I was overwhelmed and mentally exhausted from having such high expectations and having them dashed each time. So I just stopped trying; buried myself in bed with my eyes on Netflix for days. I was honestly tired and I thought maybe if I stopped trying, if I didn’t have any expectations; I wouldn’t feel any disappointment.

I continued like that for a few days until I began to feel worse. This time around I felt like a failure who had nothing better to do than to eat and sleep. And then it hit me, there’s this satisfaction that comes from at least trying. It’s better to have hope than not to have; expectations are a good thing. They help you keep moving. Failures and Nos are not the end.

My time away was necessary. It helped me look back and think about what I really wanted and whether there was another way of achieving it. The pause I took helped clear my head. It gave me a brain resetting. It’s not so bad once in a while to sit back and relax. Your brain needs it.

#selfcare #selfish #love #opinions #talesbyrita #ritasdiary #selflove #blogger #writer #nonfiction #contentcreator #inspirationalposts #motivation #openbook #coach #counselling #mentorship #friendship #confident #positive #mindset #engage #quotes #inspirationalquotes

They say life is not a competition but is it possi

They say life is not a competition but is it possible to go about your activities not minding that all your peers are way ahead of you? Is it not normal to feel left behind sometimes? I believe that it is.

You see, as much as my mind tries to feel a certain way about the success of others, I have to make a deliberate attempt to always have a different perspective. As much as I lean towards being perfect and being the best at everything, it is important to understand that every individual is built different, each person has different strengths, weaknesses and experiences that have shaped them differently.

I also believe that a person is served their dose of experiences depending on what their life’s journey will be and preparing them for it. So instead of feeling bad about the journey of your peers, work on optimizing your own life’s journey.

Take advantage of your strengths and utilize them effectively. Change your mindset and start seeing your weaknesses in positive light because they’re only unique to you. Leverage on them and find a way to work around them. For instance, one of my weaknesses is that I overthink everything; it has helped me become very analytical and realistic. I would not take a decision unless it’s the right one, neither will I believe everything out there unless it makes absolute sense. Another, is that I do not totally enjoy repetitive tasks; this has led me to utilize lots of useful apps that make my work really easy as a result my turn around time for delivering tasks is very short. And many other things that I have been able to transform to strengths.

I have also been able to have a change of mindset regarding my experiences and life journey. In the past I would ruminate over why I’m going through a particular challenge; does God not care? Am I not good enough? Are my village people against me? Etc.

Overtime though, I now understand that as long as there is nothing more I can do differently, then maybe I am not supposed to be at my desired place at that time. Continue in comment below ⬇️ 👇

They say life is fickle, I agree. We just keep liv

They say life is fickle, I agree. We just keep living, thinking that tomorrow will be better. Confidently procrastinating as if time is waiting until we’re comfortable enough or confident enough to actually live. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But no, time waits for nobody. So while you’re procrastinating, living in fear, and condoning inferiority, time is passing and you are aging. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I do not want to start living later. I want to live now. Happily and freely, and on my own terms. I want to make and keep valuable friendships. I want to pursue the career of my dreams. I want to eat good food and go to amazing places. I want to be genuinely happy. Time is a gift and I want to live it happily. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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In my old age I want to be a happy and satisfied grandma. Gingerly pushing my grandkids to live a happy life; free from fear of failure or judgement. I know I’m going to be a cute grandma 😂🤣

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