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Traumatised By Friendship

Traumatised By Friendship

I was best friends with a snake and didn’t realise it; or I knew it but I was so invested in the friendship that I ignored the red flags. After I got thoroughly bitten, I eventually learned.

reetahrocks October 4, 2022October 4, 2022 Uncategorized No Comments Read more

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Rita’s Diary

talesbyrita

An open book for you to feed from ❤️ @reetahrocks
The only betrayal that matters is the one you do t The only betrayal that matters is the one you do to yourself. You let yourself down when you avoid your responsibilities out of fear.
My thoughts about people looking to be in long ter My thoughts about people looking to be in long term relationships; date someone who is more crazy about you than you are. I understand how intriguing it is to meet someone you vibe with, someone you are crazy about, someone you’re attracted to. You’re in a whirlwind romance and you’re super happy. But you’re so happy that you’re blinded with all your emotions. He doesn’t love or respect you. He treats you badly. But you don’t really care, because you’re crazy about him. Your sex life is out of this world. You want him so bad. If all these feelings were visibly mutual, then perfect, you’ve found a jackpot. But half the time it isn’t. Half the time you’re alone on that ship. Half the time you’re the only one invested in that relationship. How sad! So I believe that it’s better to be with someone who values you and treats you like gold. As long as you’re a good person, you wouldn’t take advantage of them and would learn to appreciate and love them. You need someone who will treat you and your family right. Someone who will give you peace of mind. That’s who you need in a long term relationship. However, if all you’re looking for is something short term and non-committing, then by all means, love someone you vibe with, regardless of whether or not they treat you right. After all it’s not long term. #lovequotes #relationshipquotes #relationshipadvice #commitment #wisdomquotes
It’s 23:09 on the 31st of Dec 2021 and I can’t It’s 23:09 on the 31st of Dec 2021 and I can’t help but reminisce about how my life has changed in the past couple of years. I can’t help thinking about how broke my family was between 2011 to 2013, to the point where I nearly dropped out of university; and how depressed I was in 2017 because I was broke and lonely. In 2018 I was super anxious about the decision I had made to get married and prayed so hard for God to bless our union. I remember doing series of novenas sequentially. Finishing each novena and then starting again because I knew we just needed to leave Nigeria for things to get better because I had really given up on my country. I remember how I left my job at the peak of the covid lockdown in 2020 and then spent a month at home anxiously praying for God to intervene and give me a good job. That period was scary because I dreaded being unemployed more than anything. Exactly one month after, I resumed at my dream work place with beautiful and amazing people. It was the best company I had ever worked in. And then in 2021 my husband resumed a new job in the UK and we had to relocate. This was a prayer point we started from 2017 and God answered it in his time. Hmm. Upon arriving the UK, I spent three months unemployed, and anxious about what the future holds. Eventually I got a job. And me who used to be so broke to the point where I’ll manage 2k pocket money for a month now earns money in Pounds Sterling. Me who used to shop once in two years now breezes in and out of stores weekly to buy one thing or another. Rita who used to laugh to hide pain, now laughs genuinely. My heart is full of joy for how much change 2021 brought. 2021 seems like a switch that brought light and luxury into my life. For that, I am grateful to God. Although I was unable to keep my 2021 resolutions, I’m bold enough to set new ones for 2022. In 2022, I’m ready to live confidently and unafraid. Being true to myself and instincts. In 2022 I’m going to embrace growth and be unapologetic. As for friends, I know that I’m horrible at being a good friend. I hope that in 2022 I do better. So help me God.
The troubles that women go through cannot be over The troubles that women go through cannot be over emphasized. They may sound trivial at first, but think deeply about it; - [ ] In order to look presentable, we have to wear bras no matter how uncomfortable they make us feel. Especially for busty ladies. - [ ] No matter how little we eat, we easily gain so much weight; so that we are stuck with bogus clothings to hide all that fat, or we have to wrap ourselves in uncomfortable girdles to hide all the belly fat and look attractive in body-fitting clothes. - [ ] While many men exercise just for the sake of being healthy, most women exercise because they are afraid of gaining so much weight and losing their figure. - [ ] In some countries, women are under intense pressure to get married because their “biological clock” is ticking. So that they can quickly procreate. And the ones who refuse to procreate are tagged selfish and lazy. A man once asked me; “what’s the use of your body if you’re refusing to give your husband many children”. - [ ] Because women are under a lot of pressure to get married, many of them have very low expectations from men; many times, the only prerequisite is that they are men, and then for some, that he has enough money. As long as he meets these criteria, nothing else matters. Whether he looks like a monkey, or stinks like a pig, or behaves like a goat, or treats them like a predator. Some women do not care; “Just be man enough to marry me and care for me”. - [ ] Whereas for women, there are such high expectations; be pretty, have good manners, have good reputation, be industrious, be fertile, be prayerful. So many expectations. - [ ] A man will be fat and have potbelly, and nobody cares as long as he is rich. But what makes a woman appealing is her looks. But biology and estrogen would make it a lot harder for her to look beautiful as she ages compared to the men who eat mounds of food and still appear okay. Continue in the comments ⬇️
I wish I could sing 🎤 and dance 💃🏽 I wis I wish I could sing 🎤 and dance 💃🏽 I wish I could write effortlessly I wish I had glowing skin And healthy hair With a body to die for But no matter how much I wish No matter how deep my desire I have none of that Here I am; Stuck with my rough skin And rounded belly Making resolutions to do better and failing If only wishes could turn to reality at a whim If only my deepest desires could become reality What to do? Sit down and cry? Stay sad and sigh? Nah! I’ll just keep doing my best Keep living my best and do all that I can to get that banging body That healthy hair With shiny skin I’ll practice everyday until I become a pro at singing A pro at dancing; Until I become all that I ever dreamed of; So help me God But what if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? No worries then; That’s still fine As long as I’m living and breathing Then there’s still hope I’ll be happy in this moment until I’m able to achieve my grandiose expectations
So over the past few days, it has been a whirlwind So over the past few days, it has been a whirlwind of emotions for me; laziness; sadness, disinterest in everything etc. I was basically doing stuff because I had to, not because I wanted to. But then over the weekend I spent some time out with a friend, and noticed that she was genuinely interested in what I had to say, and how I was feeling; and vice versa; she also got me a beautiful plant (I named her Ola)❤️, and somehow, all of this lifted my spirit. Now I’m right here, writing again, ready to start attending masses, taking my weight loss regimen more seriously, reading a book, and planning to join a gym. These are all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t bring myself to do. I’m also considering seeing a therapist because I don’t think it’s okay to rely on a friend or sister for therapy lol.
Today I realized that I am nothing without God. Ju Today I realized that I am nothing without God. Just like a tree withers without water and sunlight, in the same way, I too wither without God present in my life. God is the beginning and end of my life. He is the very air that I survive on. Whether or not I like it, I am nothing without God. I cannot survive without him. Living without him is like being locked away in a dirty room without food or drink. And left to wither away slowly. God is the very essence of my life. I remember that now. May we never out of pride and carelessness forget our roots and run blindly to our deaths. Amen. Jesus I love you, all I have is thine, yours I am and yours I want to be, do with me whatever you will Amen.
No, this is not me giving you advice. This is me w No, this is not me giving you advice. This is me wondering how to do this. So I used to have this friend who made me happy. She was blatantly real and I could be my actual self around her; no judgement. But she was a very sensitive person and took offense at random things I said. Although we have really different life experiences; you could call me naive; but she wasn’t. So it made it really easy to be free with her about my personal experiences. Plus I learned a lot from her. She was a very difficult person, argued with people a lot over things I considered trivial and said her piece unafraid. She gossiped a lot too. Lol I enjoyed all the gossip 😄. She also expected the worst from people; she’ll just conclude that one person’s husband is cheating; one person’s money is not clean etc. but she had her good sides too. She knew fashion and make up; she taught me lol. She was also a ride or die kind of friend; she would go through the oceans to help you out as long as she trusted you. And I know she trusted me big time. And I respected her a lot especially because I knew she had been through so much. But this issue of me always having to walk on eggshells around her; and having to pretend to be a bad girl around her was exhausting. She was really sensitive so I had to be careful about what I said all the time. And trust me it was so exhausting because I’m honest to a fault. And so after one really huge argument, I blocked her everywhere. I no longer felt safe and was tired of the exhausting friendship. She did same too. Years later though I’m having a rethink. I miss her. I miss our gists, I miss how real I could be with her. She was a ride or die kind of friend too. She’ll move mountains to help me out. She was that kind of friend. And after watching Obi Cubana’s interview with BBC where he said that it’s good to have different kinds of people in your circle. I felt that. (Continued in the comments👇 ⬇️)
A few days back I was overwhelmed and mentally exh A few days back I was overwhelmed and mentally exhausted from having such high expectations and having them dashed each time. So I just stopped trying; buried myself in bed with my eyes on Netflix for days. I was honestly tired and I thought maybe if I stopped trying, if I didn’t have any expectations; I wouldn’t feel any disappointment. I continued like that for a few days until I began to feel worse. This time around I felt like a failure who had nothing better to do than to eat and sleep. And then it hit me, there’s this satisfaction that comes from at least trying. It’s better to have hope than not to have; expectations are a good thing. They help you keep moving. Failures and Nos are not the end. My time away was necessary. It helped me look back and think about what I really wanted and whether there was another way of achieving it. The pause I took helped clear my head. It gave me a brain resetting. It’s not so bad once in a while to sit back and relax. Your brain needs it. #selfcare #selfish #love #opinions #talesbyrita #ritasdiary #selflove #blogger #writer #nonfiction #contentcreator #inspirationalposts #motivation #openbook #coach #counselling #mentorship #friendship #confident #positive #mindset #engage #quotes #inspirationalquotes
They say life is not a competition but is it possi They say life is not a competition but is it possible to go about your activities not minding that all your peers are way ahead of you? Is it not normal to feel left behind sometimes? I believe that it is. You see, as much as my mind tries to feel a certain way about the success of others, I have to make a deliberate attempt to always have a different perspective. As much as I lean towards being perfect and being the best at everything, it is important to understand that every individual is built different, each person has different strengths, weaknesses and experiences that have shaped them differently. I also believe that a person is served their dose of experiences depending on what their life’s journey will be and preparing them for it. So instead of feeling bad about the journey of your peers, work on optimizing your own life’s journey. Take advantage of your strengths and utilize them effectively. Change your mindset and start seeing your weaknesses in positive light because they’re only unique to you. Leverage on them and find a way to work around them. For instance, one of my weaknesses is that I overthink everything; it has helped me become very analytical and realistic. I would not take a decision unless it’s the right one, neither will I believe everything out there unless it makes absolute sense. Another, is that I do not totally enjoy repetitive tasks; this has led me to utilize lots of useful apps that make my work really easy as a result my turn around time for delivering tasks is very short. And many other things that I have been able to transform to strengths. I have also been able to have a change of mindset regarding my experiences and life journey. In the past I would ruminate over why I’m going through a particular challenge; does God not care? Am I not good enough? Are my village people against me? Etc. Overtime though, I now understand that as long as there is nothing more I can do differently, then maybe I am not supposed to be at my desired place at that time. Continue in comment below ⬇️ 👇
They say life is fickle, I agree. We just keep liv They say life is fickle, I agree. We just keep living, thinking that tomorrow will be better. Confidently procrastinating as if time is waiting until we’re comfortable enough or confident enough to actually live. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But no, time waits for nobody. So while you’re procrastinating, living in fear, and condoning inferiority, time is passing and you are aging. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I do not want to start living later. I want to live now. Happily and freely, and on my own terms. I want to make and keep valuable friendships. I want to pursue the career of my dreams. I want to eat good food and go to amazing places. I want to be genuinely happy. Time is a gift and I want to live it happily. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In my old age I want to be a happy and satisfied grandma. Gingerly pushing my grandkids to live a happy life; free from fear of failure or judgement. I know I’m going to be a cute grandma 😂🤣
I understand how it can be almost impossible to be I understand how it can be almost impossible to believe. I myself have my own fair share of anxiety. Wondering whether I’m worthy enough. Thinking about how silly I am because of the mistakes I have made. Obsessing over perfection and identifying all the flaws no matter how tiny. Having to constantly remind myself that I actually deserve goodness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I go through this too and it’s exhausting that the only way to feel better is to dwell on the positive. An example is whispering to myself; “I am good enough, I am beautiful and I am smart”. I say this about five times and start to feel better. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As true as it is, it is sad that we often forget how worthy we are. How amazingly perfect our bodies are; fat, stretch marks, scars and all. It is sad that we doubt our own intelligence, despite going through all our experiences and learning from them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So no, you’re not silly, you’re not ugly, you just forget what you really are. Maybe because you dwell on what people show you or what they think; instead of focusing on yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You’re perfect my darling. You’re worthy of every goodness. Never doubt that.
While thinking about how others feel, it is very i While thinking about how others feel, it is very important that you do not shortchange yourself; of what use are you to the people around you when you are unhappy? Self-care is not selfish. Your happiness is as important as you staying alive. Being sad does not benefit anyone. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This has always been my mantra and I exhibited it when it was time to get married. You see, my husband is Pentecostal and my family advised me against marrying him because of his religion. I went against their will because I knew what I wanted and what was involved. I was the one in the relationship, not them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At some point, my parent’s house caused me so much sadness that I had to leave. My religion advised against moving in with a man before marriage but I went ahead and moved in with my then fiancé. There was no way I was staying put in an unhealthy place out of fear or loyalty to some rules. After a while though the guilt started to eat me up and I was sad all over again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As a result we had to have a wedding even though we couldn’t afford it at the time. If I wanted to be bothered about society’s opinion, we would have gone the extra mile to take loans to sponsor the wedding. But I didn’t want to spend my first year in marriage paying off loans. So we eventually had our wedding in our living room. Of course there were side talks but who cares? We were a happy debt-free couple. And that was the only thing that mattered. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Click the link in my bio for other personal experiences that may interest you.
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