Mrs Ayankoya Beauty was like a mother to me and there was so much I admired about her.
Her Excellent Parenting
She had such an amazing relationship with her daughter; my friend Bisola, I couldn’t understand it. She was so free and open with her children that they confided in her to the tiniest detail.
I remember one time in our final year in secondary school, Bisola told us in class that her mom knows every single thing about her and that the day she looses her virginity, her mom will be the first to know, and she wouldn’t lose her virginity unless her mom approves. We all marveled at this. One of our classmates, Aminat, now asked, “so Bisola, when you’re about to lose your virginty, you’ll quickly call your mom on phone and say ” maami, mo fe shey oh (mom I’m about to do it oh)… Then Bisola’s mom will now respond “Bisola, ma shey oh (Bisola don’t do it oh) rotfl 😂😂 everyone laughed uncontrollably. Since that day, we taunted her with that joke (maami mo fe shey oh!)
As kids, our friends were usually our confidants; This was not the case in her family, Mrs Ayankoya knew every single thing about her kids, and advised them without bias. Treating them as adults and respecting their decisions regardless of the outcome.
Her Doggedness in Providing For Her Family
She went the extra mile to provide for her kids and made so many sacrifices for them. I remember one time a classmate of ours taunted Bisola about how her mom was poor and had to hawk items to sell for a living. I also remember Bisola telling me about how her aunties were unable to help her mom out with school fees and told her mom to send her kids to public schools if she can’t afford private schools. They said she’s no better than the parents who took their kids to public schools but Bisola’s mom refused. She wanted the best education for her kids. And she did all she could to provide for them. She was a widow; her husband used to be a wealthy man. But after he died, things became really tough for them.
Bisola, The result of Her Mother’s Excellent Parenting
Bisola is my best friend so I observed all these albeit silently. Pretending not to see, pretending not to be bothered. But deep down, I saw her mom as a hero.
I watched with keen interest as Bisola put in all her efforts, and focus on studying hard and coming out with amazing results. She continued to forge ahead even though she was constantly bullied for her small size, or for being too smart, or about her mom, regardless. She had a goal. To make her mom proud and repay her for all the discomfort. Till she graduated from university, Bisola avoided getting into relationships. She was afraid of failure, she was afraid of cutting her dreams short through an unwanted pregnancy.
She continually came out amongst top three in secondary school, gained admission into university through a diploma program where she finished top of her class; and graduated from university as a banking and finance scholar with a CGPA of 4.46. Her tenacity inspires me. I remember when we were in the first year of senior secondary school, we were contemplating what to study in the university, Bisola said she wants to work in a bank. She wants to be counting money, she wants to be the one in charge of money. Lol, obviously, she had been through so much at the time and money was something she was really interested in. It’s funny that now, she’s doing so well in the same field. She’s an accountant with a master’s degree in Finance. She’s also rounding off her ACCA certification.
My Thoughts about Mrs Ayankoya
Bisola’s mom is my own yardstick for the kind of relationship I want with my kids. Its amazing that a mom can influence her child so greatly by being able to find the perfect balance between discipline and friendship. Mrs Ayankoya also took me as a daughter. Treating me to a variety of meals whenever I visited. I remember how she insisted I learnt Yoruba. Speaking to me and helping me translate at the same time. Or the time I came home from school wearing a veil (read https://talesbyrita.com/my-journey-to-heaven-and-back/ to understand). She just couldn’t hide her confusion and kept asking what was wrong and whether I didn’t want to get married. She kept trying to know what was going through my mind. I saw her as my second mother.
I feel bad because I didn’t have time to see her for over two years. We used to live very close to each other but after I relocated from my parent’s place, distance made it really difficult. So we only kept in touch via phone. (Forgive me my darling Bisola). Regardless, I know that she’s definitely in a better place and I’m glad that she lived to see you (Bisola), and Monisola doing so well in your various pursuits. I’m sure she’s so proud of you both… Because I am.
Continue to rest on Ma.