The feeling was too sweet. Him squeezing and sucking while I quietly enjoyed it, moaning sweetly in delight. The agreement was to abstain. Yes I know.. But it’s just breast fondling nothing further..
But a few minutes later, my fount is already dripping with milk.. The nut feeling so empty it needs it’s bolt to contain it. He could use his fingers.. I thought. It’s allowed right?
But nah!! That might lead to sex. Let’s leave it at kissing and fondling. Nothing beyond that. The fit of romance is able to lead me to ecstasy thrice while my Romeo keeps grunting and groaning, needing relief. But I’m obstinate. We have to be chaste till marriage.. At some point, he tried to remove my panties saying.. ‘wait I’m not going to go in, trust me..’ ‘ehn I know you won’t go in… Sha leave my pant’ I responded. He sighed in frustration. I had to leave the room. To give him space to recover. Eventually, in about 2 hours, he’s relieved he didn’t go in. ‘We would have ended up feeling miserable and guilty’ he said. I’m happy. At least he understands..
All through the week though I’m restless. I feel like I’m stained horribly with sin. I’m able to pray but it’s like there’s something wrong. Praying usually feels like me lying on my father’s bed. Gisting with him. But these days, it’s like I’m a visitor in his house. With so much formalities and uncertainties. I have to keep repeating myself to be sure he heard me. Obviously it’s my little breast sucking escapade causing it. I really need to see a priest. I need to confess. After a full week of walking around a living dead, like a bag of sin, I’m able to confess. I spoke to the priest.. Telling him about my escapade.. And ending my confession with ‘we nearly had sex’ . And he responded with ‘you had sex’, and I said ‘no, we didn’t, but we nearly did’ and he repeated, ‘i said you had sex. As long as you thought it, you desired it, you did it in your mind, you had sex, stop trying to rationalize’ na so I tell am ‘sorry father, I had sex, yes! yes! I had sex’.. He prayed for me and gave me penance to say… Telling me to be more cautious and at alert. I thanked him and went to do my penance.
After my penance I felt so free and relieved. I prayed so deeply that I felt inside heaven gan gan.. The feeling was so sweet. I felt loved and forgiven. And that restraint I was feeling the past week disappeared.
I spoke with my Romeo when I got back home. Telling him about the relief. I told him; ‘Without Jesus I am nothing, but with Jesus, I am everything. He is the most powerful, the greatest of all.. So when I have him beside me, I too become the most powerful, I become the greatest, I become a terror to evil.. Because I am now enriched by his grace’.
This made him understand.. It also inspired him to live more cautiously.