Today, my dad came into my room complaining about how his browsing data finished from watching his favorite oldies on YouTube. He talked about how much he misses Boney M, Abba, and the famous Osadebe. I listened with rapt attention, marveling at how he talked passionately about these singers. I suggested he download them to his phone instead of watching directly from YouTube. And told him I’ll help him download them. He got excited. Saying he’ll be so happy if he could listen to those songs every day. He says he’ll have no worries again if he could listen to them every day. I was thrilled at the thought that someone could be so passionate about some artistes and their music. I was really eager to get him those songs.
The next day at work, I downloaded the songs he asked for. He asked for songs by Abba, Boney M, Bob Marley, Osadebe, and some others. I downloaded the videos off Youtube. About ten videos of each artiste. Eager to keep him happy since he has had a lot going on with him lately. These songs would take his mind off things for a while. My dad was a lecturer in university of Jos. He was implicated by his colleague in some cases of fraud and sexual harassment. He says he was framed. The story we heard is that he stepped on some toes and they dealt with him. My dad is totally upright, a disciplinarian to the core, so imagine the shock when voice recordings arose, where he coerced a young married woman to sleep with him for an A in his course. According to him the recordings are fake. There’s no way he’ll do such a thing. I believed him.
That night, I eagerly sent the videos to him via Xender. He was thrilled. His android device is new so I had to teach him how to access the videos and how to listen to them. Satisfied that I had accomplished my mission, I went back to my room to prepare for bed. Thinking about how the day went and the things I had to accomplish the following day. The thing about Ezinne is that, she has a conscience, she will help you when need be, but will boldly criticize you the minute you exhibit a flaw. She is outspoken to a fault, speaking up when harassed, or asking questions no matter how ridiculous.
My father was so excited. He put on his ear piece and gingerly scrolled through the songs. Watching the first few minutes of each song, row after row. But then he noticed his favorite wasn’t there. He had asked me to download songs by Abba, and I did, but I didn’t know there was one he liked, his favorite – they call it Chiquitita. He got really upset. He thought about waiting till morning but then I might have left for work before he woke up.
As soon as I drifted to sleep, someone barged into my room, I looked up to see my dad frowning. He said; ’ahn ahn Ezinne what did you even download? Chiquitita is not here now! Chiquitita by Abba. That is the one I really wanted not all these things!’ Ha! This statement got me feeling down immediately. I mean, I spent hours downloading these songs and this is the thank you I get? I had to calmly tell him I’ll download it when next I go to the office. He agreed. After he left I was angry. There’s nothing that pleases me more than gratitude. I like to hear people show appreciation. And he not only did not say thank you, but he shouted at me instead. Is this how things are supposed to be? Call me disrespectful but I think my dad was just rude to me. I let it slide and slept off.
My dad went in to see my mom, Nwanneka still sleeping. He smiled, caressing the hair on her forehead as she snored softly. She and Ezinne are so alike. The same yellow and slender face. The same lanky stature. When you look at Ezinne, you’ll always think of a ladder. She’s so lanky, like her mother. Reserved in public but a raving talkative in the house. They both eat like monsters, even though they never gain any weight. As usual they both cannot fall asleep until they have digested at least ten pages of a novel or magazine. My mother’s novel lay crumpled beside her pillow, my dad picked it up, straightening it and leaving it by the bedside table. Ezinne is a tougher version of Nwanneka. A more outspoken and stubborn version, especially under duress. My mother is calm, quiet, especially with my father, whereas I’m a bull, constantly challenging him, and talking back at him. I think the constant slaps and punches transformed my mom from the confident outspoken woman that she is, to the reserved timid woman that I now know. We’re four children. And I’m the third child. But of all my siblings, I think my mother loves me best. One day, she told me I remind her so much of her late mother. She misses her so much. Her mother had died a few days after her traditional marriage. I don’t think she ever got over her mother’s death. They say she was poisoned but nobody really knows the true story. She gave me the name Ezinne – meaning good mother – because I look so much like her late mother, I’m stubborn like her too. Our hair stubborn and kinky in like manner. Sometimes I think my dad is not deserving of my mother. I feel he’s too harsh. He talks down on her when he’s upset, beats her when she talks back at him. Mama deserves a nicer man who’ll spoil her with affection.
The next day I didn’t even remember his song. The only thing on my mind was my annual leave which was due in two days. As a result of the bulk of work I had to handover, and other tasks I had to complete, I totally forgot about the Chiquitita song my dad asked me to download. I told my dad I’ll download the song after I resumed work from leave, because I could only use the office wifi to download the song.
Ten days later, I resumed back to work. And again, I forgot about his Chiquitita. After work that day, while I had already retired for the day and was deep asleep, my old man barged into my room asking for his chiquitita, I woke up startled and confused. I told him I forgot and would download it tomorrow. I told him to try and remind me tomorrow so I don’t forget again. I tried to go back to sleep but oga no gree me oh. He kept whining about his song and asking me how to download it on his phone so he could do it himself. I told him the app I use to download off Youtube doesn’t work on mobile. Even if it did, it’ll zap his data. I had earlier tried to use the download icon on his YouTube app but the video didn’t support downloads. I tried to explain these things calmly to him. But he kept talking. Complaining that I had been delaying the download since. He just kept talking and complaining. “Why haven’t you downloaded it since? Why don’t you want to help me download it? Ehn Ezinne! Tell me why you don’t want to help me download my music? You keep saying tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow!” “These videos are oldies and I don’t know of any other sites to download from asides YouTube. I use an app that downloads from YouTube directly” I responded. “How? Show me let me see!” “I can only do it with a laptop, on my office laptop” I responded “Do it on my phone let me see!” “You don’t have the app!” I replied, clearly irritated “Is it that I don’t have the app or that it doesn’t work on phones? You’re saying two different things!” He asked. At this point, I had gotten really exhausted and irritated. “I’ve said it one thousand times! The app doesn’t work on phones, it works on laptops. I said I’ll download it tomorrow, stop disturbing me I want to sleep!” I screamed. At that, He left my room clearly pissed off and embarrassed. I offered to download these songs for him of my own accord, but now it has become one his rights and he wouldn’t allow me sleep until he has left me frustrated and screaming.
You see, my father has the thickest ego any man could have. The minute you say any derogatory statement to him he becomes violent. I think he has self-esteem issues. He hides under the cane, and his thick fists- his precious armor- they give him back the pride which the other person steals away. The cane and his fists are his two besties, they never fail him. However, over time, he had a change of heart, maybe he finally realized that we were adults now and he was now frailer, no longer as strong as he used to be. One time, my big brother hit him back. He hit him so hard that he nearly fell. And then he started rating about how Nkem was now a cursed man. “How dare he raise his hands on his father!” he screamed. But Nkem didn’t care, he had had it up to the brim. He could no longer bear the incessant abuse. My dad gave him rounds of slaps because he saw him giving a friendly hug to his colleague who had come to visit him. What made it unbearable for Nkem was that she was just a colleague. My dad didn’t understand this. “You brought a prostitute to my house? You had the effrontery to squeeze and fondle a prostitute in my house?” While he said these he kept slapping Nkem, blocking his ears to whatever Nkem was saying. Until Nkem gave him him a heavy slap, screaming “I said she’s just a colleague!” and then he ran out. He didn’t come home for days. And my father kept telling whoever cared to listen that Nkem was a cursed man. How dare he raise his hands on his father? After days, of begging Nkem to come home and apologize, Nkem finally agreed to my mother’s pleadings. He came home a few days later begging for forgiveness on his knees. After plenty shakara my dad accepted him back; saying “I’m your father, I want the best for you, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. Everything I do is for your own good.” Nkem nodded humbly, his face streaked in tears; not in remorse but in a deliberate attempt to massage dad’s ego and make him feel good. After that day he has not hit any of us again. Only my mother. She is the only one he still hits.
My dad went into my room to blame mama for raising such a spoilt child. How can his own daughter raise her voice at him? My mother quietly told him I was probably tired, that he should have just reminded me about the song the following morning. “Is that reason enough for her to insult me? To talk back at me and ridicule me? What rubbish? Is that even all you have to say? So because I no longer have a job she thinks it’s okay to talk back at me? After everything I suffered for her!” And then a few minutes later he’s back, asking the entire house whether what I’m doing is fair. “Ijeoma tell me, is what she’s doing fair?” He asks my elder sister. “The way she just shouted at me now is it good? ehn?” “No it’s not” She responded. He continued, facing me; “I’m your father, and on no account should you address me with such disrespect, on no account should you shout at me or insult me like that”. I’m too tired to argue and so I just apologize. “okay sorry about that” He kept saying things I could barely hear or understand. I’m totally exhausted. I pretended to fall asleep. But deep down I’m boiling with anger. So this man didn’t see anything wrong with waking me up while I was already asleep because of his song. He didn’t deem it necessary to wait till the next morning or even just send me a reminder text the next day at work. He really had to wake me from sleep to keep repeating the same thing. He knows I hate being disturbed when sleeping. I hate being shouted at, I get a bad headache very easily. I was so upset. And now it seemed like I was the one at fault just because I ended up shouting at him in annoyance. Just because I lost my cool I’ve become the rude one, even though he was the one who started the whole drama. At this point, I swore never to assist him again. I wouldn’t download the song. Let him go and ask his other three children to help him download his song. I slept off angry that night. Someone cannot rest in her own house again. Rubbish!
The thing about Ezinne is that on top of being very stubborn, she is very proud like her father. The most selfish lady you can think of. Nothing anybody says matters. Only her. When she was in primary four, she told her classmate that she was really ugly, and her teeth made her look like a rat. She told the child to start brushing her teeth so that all those stains there could go off. The child’s mother came to school the next day to shout at Ezinne. But Ezinne did not budge. She told the girl’s mother that she should get a nice toothpaste for her child so the poor girl could learn to smile confidently like a queen, like Cinderella, or snow white. The woman who was fuming furiously had to be considerate eventually. After all, she was just a child, what did she know. She had to calmly explain to Ezinne that the stain couldn’t come off. A quack doctor had prescribed a harmful drug to Lara, her daughter, and the drug had stained her teeth horribly. She said they had tried everything to make the stain come off but it just wouldn’t. She asked Ezinne to be more cautious of the things she said so she doesn’t leave the next person feeling down. “How would you feel if you grew up with such horrible teeth; stained with brown color that just couldn’t come off?” She asked. Ezinne felt sorry. It was only then that she apologized. But she stopped speaking with Lara. Maybe out of shame, or superiority complex…
My dad came to my room again in the morning, asking me about his song and whether I’ll download it that day. I plainly told him I couldn’t download it again. “But you said you’ll download it today” he asked, “yes I said so, but I’ve changed my mind I can’t download it again” I responded. He got tired and left.
Ijeoma said I should be a lot more understanding. That it’s old age, and I should be used to this by now. But I don’t think so. My grandpa is far older and he’s a lot more sensible and considerate. Maybe I was a bit harsh, but I think I have every right to be angry. Just because you’re my dad shouldn’t give you the right to talk me down or wake me up in the middle of the night. Or old people don’t say please? They don’t say sorry? Or they don’t know that respect is reciprocal? Don’t make me believe that old age is such a menace which transforms people from something smooth and sweet, to a bitter discomforting itch. Ezinne told Ijeoma these things, so sure of her ideas and beliefs. Ijeoma nodded. She understood but she had always been one to avoid troubles. She’s the type that does “eye service”-doing things just so that the next person will be pleased. Whereas, Ezinne is the type that would act as she likes and dare you to speak up and counter her actions.
The sequel to this story continues in the next post. Stay blessed.
The sequel to this story continues in the next post. Stay blessed.
Chiquitita